NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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