you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize