I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
