Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
