I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
