Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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