I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
