you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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