He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
