Only a mothe r could love this liver
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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