We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize