Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
