Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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