and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
50% drunk capacity currently
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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