i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
