cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize