Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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