so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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