If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
