she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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