Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
