As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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