if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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