Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
