i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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