Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
