Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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