I will die if light touches me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
