you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize