Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
