bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
