I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
