i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize