i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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