saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
