the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize