Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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