Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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