And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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