did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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