i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize