Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
