Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
