i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
