I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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