I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
