You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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