we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
