i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
