i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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