I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
