david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
