Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
