new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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