Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
