I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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