and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize