How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
