How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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