Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
