Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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