i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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