I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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