Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
