i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
