I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
