I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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