I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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