guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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