We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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