is your mom at the bar?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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