I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize