Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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