i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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