i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
