can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
