He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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