I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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