there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
