I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
