do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize