similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
