Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
