If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
