i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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