So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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