A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
