Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
