Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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