I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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