OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
