She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
