His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
