I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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