he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
