I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
