dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
