Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
