"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
