How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
